OCBeerBlog Tips for Surviving the OC Brew Ha Ha (Just the tip)

Bootleggers Brewery

Beer poured passionately from Bootleggers at a beer festival somewhere.

After attending hundreds of beer festivals all around the country, I can safely say I have some good tips on how to survive a craft beer festival. Now, these are not your average “wear comfy shoes” type of suggestions. This is some serious punk rock boy scout shit right here. Pay attention, folks.

wahlStep one: Manscape (or get your Wax on). You’re at a festival with buzzed people who like beer. The odds of you having something in common with the opposite/preferred sex is HUGE. Don’t just get the digits, seal the deal with an after plan and make some craft beer babies. Hook it up, people. It’s a fact that beer tastes better with a properly trimmed situation and a mound just ain’t cool. Don’t forget your nose, ears, eyebrows and pits as well. (If you need some work: My haircut guy, my lady’s wax lady).

New-Logo-Vertical-DarkStep two: (Pre-fest) Drive to a closeby restaurant and Uber/Cab it to the festival from there. Around the Brew Ha Ha, I’d suggest Tustin Marketplace on Jamboree/Irvine Blvd. We all know drinking and driving is horrible, but doing so on Santiago Canyon Road is even worse. There’s only one way in and one way out. After the fest, cab/uber it back to your ride and catch a movie, grab a burger or snooze in your car. Bonus points if you hit Totes Wine for some continued debauch with your Step 1 friend. Extra bonus points if you leave yourself a pack of gum and a water in your car!

8layerveggieburritoStep three: and this is a OCBeerBlog exclusive: Eat a Del Taco 8-Layer Veggie burrito before any beer festival. No fries, no extra taco…just the burrito. This fest has some whalez this year. If you get in the VIP session and have to eat first, I bet you’ll miss all the delicious Cascade beers. The Veggie Works burrito has just enough beans, rice and deliciousness to provide you with a layer of nutrition that will last until the cheap-ass non VIP hoard comes in. Once they get in, grab some actual festival food.

Anne Hathaway getting hydrated

Anne Hathaway getting hydrated

Step four: Do the ALS Ice bucket challenge down your throat (hydrate like a bowse). See your festival glass? Isn’t it cute? How many ounces is it? A few? Yay. Every hour, find a water source and drink at least twenty ounces. “You mean I have to fill the tiny fucker up seven times?” Yes, mister math wizard.

Step five: Bring a portable phone charger. There is nothing worse than a drunk slut with a dead phone. Between Untappd check-ins, snapchat (manscaped) dick picks, Instagrams, texts, sexts, facebooks, Tinders, Vines, Tweets, LinkedIn’s, TasteMade’s, Swarms or whatever battery sucking app it is you use, your shit will be dead as fuck after a beer fest. I bought a charger thing for twelve bucks that fully charges my dead iPhone in 30 minutes! $12!!! Damn suckas. Get two, one for you and one for your slutty step 1 friend.

Also: Sunscreen, condoms, cash, comfy shoes, sunglasses, dirndl, pretzel necklace, etc.

I hope this helps. See you at the Fifth OC Brew Ha Ha! Use our Four Brewers Show Discount code that knocks $10 off VIP before it sells out. 


Fall Seasonals

Ah, Fall is here. As the weather cools and the leaves begin to change…WAIT, WHAT? The leaves stay green and it’s hotter than Anne Hathaway in a cat suit! That doesn’t seem to stop local brewers from putting out Autumn seasonals. Nothing satiates on a hot day like a thick frosty nut brown ale in your mouth! GULP.

Thankfully we have Oktoberfest Märzen beer within the season which has natural drinkability™. Crisp German-style Lagers are great lawnmower beers on a hot day or if Anne Hathaway were to make a surprise visit.

"Look at the beer Miss Hathaway, you're a tiger, rowr!"

Note: If you are Anne reading this: I’ll keep some Vegan Kielbasa in the freezer if you decide to swing by as I heard you like polish-style things in your mouth. Wow that sounded creepy! I’m really not that creepy Anne! They don’t call me “King Kielbasa” for nothing! Okay I made that up, nobody has ever called me that. Just the voices in my head! HAHAHA!!! I’m totally joking of course. I’ve never been arrested like that Follieri jerk you were dating. We can unleash your inner-nerd and play some scrabble! I can even show you my home-made Anne Hathaway inspired doll collection I made entirely out of maple bar donuts and bacon strips!

Speaking of maple bar donuts with bacon strips, did you hear Deschuttes Brewery might be doing a collaboration beer with Portland based Voodoo Doughnuts? Yep, a beer that will have notes of their famous maple bacon doughnut. A rauch maple porter sure sounds delicious “donut”? I also love Voodoo’s “Gay Bar” doughnut; seriously. “Donuts are gay bagels” – Rob Delaney

Voodoo's Gay Bar. So yum.

Also, dumb gripe: Why is Oktoberfest beer Märzen style? Märzen translates to March in German. Why not name the beer for when it is ready to drink instead of when it is brewed? Crazy Germans, putting beer in caves with huge ice blocks.

Orange County Breweries with Fall Seasonals:

*contains Yams

Other CA breweries

  • Sierra Nevada Tumbler: Autumn Brown
  • Hangar 24, Redlands, Oktoberfest
  • Alpine, Alpine SD, Ichabod: Pumpkin Ale
  • Alesmith, Mira Mesa SD Evil Dead Red. I love the ABV is 6.66% (tap only)
  • Russian River Hoptime Harvest – October
  • Lagunitas Brown Shugga’
  • If I left out one, let me know in the comments with a link!